The Journey of or Death

  • Hab mal wieder ein neues Buch angefangen. Dieses Mal SciFi & in Englisch. Würde mich freuen eure Meinung zu lesen (Oder auf Fehler hingewiesen zu werden :D)


    So there I was, laid on my back underneath my bed, my wounded brother on the next floor, waited for my death.
    I closed my eyes, considered if I should try to came out and fight against it, I really didn't want to die as a coward.
    It felt like everything happened in slow motion, even my breath, which I tried to hold back, because I didn't want it to hear me. I heard the heavy footsteps on the wooden floor and the weird rattling sound, which I thought might was his breathing.
    I tried to calm down, tied to hold back the tears which welled up my eyes, when the door opened slowly. I was afraid it might heard how loud my heart beat. Although I wouldn't have much time to do something before it would kill me, I needed to act immediately.
    My gaze wandered to my right side, searched for something I could use to attack it. Of cause I didn't kept any weapons under my bed, so I hadn't much of a choice, except for fighting against it with my arms and legs, even if it would be a pointless fight.
    I hoped it wouldn't notice me, and if it would, I prayed for a quick death. I didn't want to be tortured, I hoped it would deal with me, like it did with my brother, just one shot. A new wave of tears came up with this thought, because I weren't sure if he was still alive.


    How everything started


    It's complicated to say when everything started, if it have been two or three weeks ago, when the first death case got public.
    It have been a normal morning at my school, when a friend of mine has walked towards me. She has sat down and has sighed theatrical before she has leaned over and had asked me if I had heard it already.
    If I heard what?”, I had asked, a little annoyed, because I had thought that I had been going to listen to another very ‘interesting’ story about some stars or maybe about her new crush. I had been wrong!
    Yesterday they found a dead guy, not far away from here, he looked terrible.”, she had paused and had taken a deep breath, before she continued: “Just short time after they found him, a weird CCTV-Tape was uploaded at Youtube. It actually looks like an alien killed him.”
    She stopped again and turned around, like she was searching for someone, before she pulled out her mobile. She handed it to me, so I was able to see the video.

  • eine schnelle Antwort weil ich weiter muss, aber du hast sie gleich verdient: Ich finde die Idee echt toll und freue mich schon auf mehr^^

  • DIe Idee ist nicht schlecht, aber vielleicht solltest du ein wenig an deinem Englisch arbeiten (nichts für ungut). Die unterstrichenen Sachen sind berichtigt, also so wie es eigentlich sein sollte (Grammatik und ein paar Forulierungssachen):


    So there I was, lying on my back...


    ...waiting for my death


    ...considered if I should come out and try to fight...


    ...like everything was happening...


    ...might be it's breathing...


    ...was afraid it might hear how loud my heart was beating...


    ...I felt the need to act immediatly...


    My gaze wondered to my right side, searching...


    Of course I didn't keep any weapons...


    ...except for fighting with my bare fists...


    ... because I wasn't sure...


    It had been a normal...


    When a friend of mine came up to me...


    She sat down and sighed... before she leaned over and aksed me...


    I asked ... that I was going to...


    ... was uploaded on YT...


    ... like she was looking for some one...



    So, ich hoffe ich konnte ein bisschen konstruktive Kritik abgeben ^^